March Missions!

[lightningpost]

HOLD THE SPINACH
Earlier this month a terrorist attack at the S.S. Thor labs shocked our citizens, and pictures of the perpetrators went viral fast. However, the ensuing police investigation brought to light something even more diabolical: Connections between the Thor Mafia and the head of the Dietary Research Division, who was finally arrested last night. "It's unbelievable. I can't talk about it now, but just wait until it all comes out in the trial," commented Policeman Blob when we caught him on the phone. The terrorists, suspected to be part of a group of radical environmentalists, are still on the loose.

BOOTLEG BOTTLED WATER
Despite the fact that most of the populace is in a state of permanent intoxication, visitors to Shoonmine will be surprised to hear that political tensions are mounting in the controversial Nonalcoholic Beverages debate. The planet boasts the highest rate of liver failure in the universe, and an increasing portion of the population is starting to yearn for a healthier diet. While the political debates rage on, secret Health Speakeasies have started popping up on Shoonmine to satisfy your thirst for a nice, fresh, illegal glass of water.

YEAH
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS EVERYBODY

Most of the articles in the Lightning Post seem to look like this. Already, you can hear the scritchings of pencils as little old ladies all over the S.S. Thor write their Letters to the Editor complaining about it.


Maintenance

1.) The Shoonmine Environmental Bureau needs vomit cleaners. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) The Shoonmine Environmental Bureau needs bottle recyclers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
3.) Hot Sake Springs needs bath washers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
4.) Refuse to Reuse needs people to vehemently pass out brochures against recycling. Slots: [6] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
5.) Hokai Dokai needs janitors to mop up after kids' parties. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
6.) HeadOns needs someone to go around and make sure the toilet seats are just cold enough to relieve hangover headaches. Slots: [3] Pay: [College Degree]
7.) Squats and Shots needs a water purifier maintenance crew. Slots: [6] Pay: [CEO]

Delivery

1.) The Lightning Post needs someone to deliver the paper. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) Le Jour Blanc needs singing deliverymen. White tux will be included. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
3.) Get Fit needs deliverypersons for their shipments of shaking exercise devices. Slots: [7] Pay: [Minimum]
4.) Squats and Shots needs bottlers to hide purified water in hip flasks and other containers. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
5.) Holoslice needs deliverypersons for their new line of holographic knives. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
6.) Squats and Shots needs smugglers to bring fruit and vegetables down to the planet. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
7.) Sigma Omega Alpha needs keg-apulters. Slots: [6] Pay: [CEO]

Culinary/Foodservice

1.) Deez Nuts needs people to mix their nuts so two nuts of the same kind will never touch. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) Verknüpft needs pretzel twisters. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
3.) Fried Things and Beer needs hot wing glazers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
4.) Dingo Fancy needs bartenders. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
5.) Smarter Than Your Average Beer needs beartenders to tend the bar. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
6.) Deez Nuts needs wooden-clog-wearing barmaids. Slots: [7] Pay: [CEO]

Sales/Retail

1.) Bear Bellies needs teddy bear sellers. Slots: [8] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) Party ON needs sales reps to showcase different foam beer hats. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
3.) Pawnography needs cashiers to sell pre-owned pornography. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
4.) Squats and Shots needs shady individuals to sell non-alcoholic drinks. Slots: [6] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
5.) yShore needs fast-talking auctioneers. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
6.) Holoslice needs people to help design and sell holographic knives that actually cut through things. Slots: [2] Pay: [College Degree]

Health/Safety

1.) Party OFF needs designated drivers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) Party SOMEWHERE ELSE needs designated shuttle pilots. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
3.) Party PARTY needs designated designators. Slots: [3] Pay: [College Degree]
4.) Bourbon Beach needs sober lifeguards. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
5.) St. Xlakkyr XVII Memorial Hospital needs doctors to cure what ales you. Slots: [5] Pay: [CEO]
6.) JWHSHDI Counseling needs hangover counselors to help people cope with what they did last night. Slots: [6] Pay: [CEO]

Culture and Couture

1.) Changeoplans needs whiners to go with their cheese. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) Hot Sands Glassblowers needs shot glass blowers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
3.) Fugflgjiyp needs volunteers with markers to draw on the faces on anyone who passes out. Slots: [6] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
4.) Photoes Inc. needs make-up artists to decorate feet. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
5.) Photoes Inc. needs foot models. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
6.) Photoes Inc. needs photographers. Slots: [3] Pay: [CEO]

Education

1.) The S.S. Thor needs college professors. Slots: [3] Pay: [College Degree]
2.) The S.S. Thor needs teacher's aides. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
3.) The S.S. Thor needs university students. Slots: [***SPECIAL: Unlimited - for adults age 18+ only!] Pay: [Minimum]
4.) The S.S. Thor needs primary school students. Slots: [***SPECIAL: Unlimited - for children 12 and under only!] Pay: [Minimum]
5.) The S.S. Thor needs high school students. Slots: [***SPECIAL: Unlimited - for children 13 - 18 only!] Pay: [Minimum]
6.) The S.S. Thor needs a school nurse. Slots: [2] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
7.) The S.S. Thor needs primary school teachers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
8.) The S.S. Thor needs high school teachers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
9.) The S.S. Thor needs day-care sitters. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
10.) The Seen Library needs librarians. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]

Entertainment

1.) The Shoonmine Beer Pong League needs competitors, in two teams of four, for the Red Plastic Cup championship. Slots: [8] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) The Shoonmine Beer Pong League needs a Barfy the Barfly team mascot. Slots: [1] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
3.) The Shoonmine Beer Pong League needs a Shots the Cowgirl team mascot Slots: [1] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
4.) The Shoonmine Beer Pong League needs cheerleaders. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
5.) Saber the Moment needs champagne cork poppers. Slots: [3] Pay: [College Degree]
6.) Dingo Fancy needs dancers to perform on top of bars. Slots: [7] Pay: [CEO]

Arts and Humanities

1.) Thor Community College needs actors for "Cutie and the Creature" Slots: [8] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
2.) Thor Community College needs stage hands for "Cutie and the Creature" Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
3.) Thor Community College needs volunteers to work for fundraisers to keep the theater department alive. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
4.) Thor Community College needs costume designers for "Cutie and the Creature" Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
5.) Vlorlak's Tavern needs wingmen and wingladies. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
6.) Vlorlak's Tavern needs date crashers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
7.) Kaieieu the Pop-Singing Space Monster needs a posse to party with. Slots: [8] Pay: [College Degree]
8.) Cartoon Nightmares needs pink elephant trainers. Slots: [4] Pay: [CEO]

Tourism

1.) Hot Sake Springs needs attendants. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) Beerly Legal needs greeters. Slots: [3] Pay: [Minimum]
3.) Hot Sake Springs needs wall guards of both genders to make sure people don't drunkenly climb over to the other side. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
4.) Beerly Legal needs tour guides for the planet's largest brewery. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]

News, Media and Publishing

1.) Emotionz needs poets for an emo poetry contest. Slots: [6] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
2.) TFFML needs drunk text translators. Slots: [7] Pay: [College Degree]
3.) Whole Booze needs advertisers to slander non-alcoholic living. Slots: [3] Pay: [College Degree]
4.) H2Oh Yeah needs advertisers to promote the benefits of water. Slots: [4] Pay: [CEO]
5.) HOUND News needs reporters to investigate alcohol smuggling within the mafia. Slots: [2] Pay: [CEO]

Sciences, Research, and Testing

1.) The Shoonmine Government Labs needs subjects to test if you're really in the clear if it's liquor before beer. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) Hangoverless needs beer goggle testers. Slots: [8] Pay: [Minimum]
3.) Hokai Dokai needs hamster catchers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
4.) The Shoonmine Government Labs needs scientists to develop a beer that never gets warm or goes flat. Slots: [7] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
5.) The Shoonmine Government Labs needs scientists to develop the ultimate hangover cure. Slots: [6] Pay: [College Degree]
6.) Hokai Dokai needs test subjects for their top secret hamster project. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
7.) The Shoonmine Military needs engineers to construct the Atom Jaegar Bomb. Slots: [6] Pay: [CEO]

Physical Labor

1.) Once You Pop The Fun Don't Stop needs bubble wrap poppers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) Deez Nuts needs beer nut harvesters. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
3.) Winings needs champagne cork stuffers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
4.) Squats and Shots needs organic garden harvesters. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
5.) Dingo Fancy needs bouncers. Slots: [6] Pay: [College Degree]
6.) Squats and Shots needs bouncers. Slots: [7] Pay: [CEO]

Special Missions
I) Professor Mordin Solus (neuterskrogan) is hiring for Refugee's Haven Medical Clinic.

1.) The Clinic needs receptionists. Slots: [2] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
2.) The Clinic needs a janitor. Slots: [1] Pay: [Minimum]
3.) The Clinic needs nurses. Slots: [3] Pay: [College Degree]
4.) The Clinic needs security guards. Slots: [2] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]

II) Lady Une (11ady) is hiring for Preventer.

1.) Preventer needs secretaries to deal with the perils of bureaucracy. Slots: [2] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
2.) Preventer needs freelance agents to deal with actual peril. Specifics will be discussed with the employer. Signing a confidentiality agreement may be required. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
3.) Preventer needs droid maintenance to repair and maintain assistant droids at Preventer HQ. Slots: [1] Pay: [College Degree]

III) Peony Upala Malkuth IX (dedicatednoless) is hiring for Lady Luck Casino.

1.) Lady Luck Casino needs a cash & coin cashier. Slots: [1] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) Lady Luck Casino needs card dealers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
3.) Lady Luck Casino needs security. Slots: [2] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
4.) Lady Luck Casino needs a bookkeeper. (Criminal Check Required) Slots: [1] Pay: [College Degree]
5.) Lady Luck Casino needs servers to serve alcoholic drinks to of age patrons. Slots: [2] Pay: [Minimum (+tips)]

IV) Aya and Sho (kendonobara and urnotafraid) are hiring for The Golden FIsh.

1.) The Golden Fish needs a bartender to mix drinks effectively. Slots: [1] Pay: [College Degree]
2.) The Golden Fish needs body guards to throw out rowdy drunkards. Slots: [2] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
3.) The Golden Fish needs a karaoke gopher to serve people in karaoke booths what they want with a smile. Slots: [1] Pay: [Minimum]
4.) The Golden Fish needs a chef who must be able to make Japanese dishes... or else. Slots: [1] Pay: [College Degree]

V) Hatake Kakashi (lightnings) is Hiring for KARMA.

KARMA is planning to throw a Thor Refugees cultural festival in (hopefully) April, so characters who sign up for KARMA jobs this month should expect to be approached the following few months to perform the same or similar jobs. The character always has the right to decline or to quit.

1.) KARMA needs interns. Slots: [2] Pay: [Minimum Wage]
2.) KARMA needs survey creators and runners to poll refugees on various aspects of their life on the Thor. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
3.) KARMA needs actors for an advertisement. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
4.) KARMA needs a public relations manager for an upcoming event. Slots: [1] Pay: [College Degree]
5.) KARMA needs a stylist for an upcoming event. Slots: [1] Pay: [College Degree]

VI) Polymnia Terpsichore Aino Perdita Zyanya (atomcrafting) is hiring for 4tea2.

1.) 4tea2 needs waitstaff to make and serve tea to thirsty customers. Slots: [2] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) 4tea2 needs a baker to make assorted sweets and pastries, and maybe the occasional sandwich, fresh daily, for hungry customers. Slots: [1] Pay: [College Degree]
3.) 4tea2 needs an assistant manager to help with the running of the shop. Slots: [1] Pay: [College Degree]

VII) Arisato Minato (foolish_seal) is hiring for The Crimson Lion.

1.) The Crimson Lion needs waitstaff. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
2.) The Crimson Lion needs chefs for Japanese-style cuisine. Slots: [2] Pay: [College Degree]

VIII) Lemina Ausa (megamagicpower) is hiring for The Magic Guild.

1.) The Magic Guild needs apprentice magicians to study magic. Slots: [10] Pay: [Minimum]
2.) The Magic Guild needs magic teachers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
3.) The Magic Guild needs magic item artisans. Slots: [2] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
4.) The Magic Guild needs a bookkeeper. Slots: [1] Pay: [College Degree]

Note: The missions will be posted on every floor of the S.S. Thor and can also be found in the Lightning Post for those already subscribing, as well as on the network. Unless otherwise stated it's first come first serve, so just reply to the right comment below and you'll get it! However, to make sure everyone has a chance to get a mission, you have to wait until next Wednesday (March 7th) before you can apply for a second one. (Does not apply to Unlimited Missions!)

To see what the requirements are for applying for Somewhat Decent, College Degree, and CEO level Wages, go here, and make sure to comment if you want the promotion!

Each mission lasts a month, and the paycheck will be handed out after the mission has been completed.

For those characters (and muns) who appreciate a bit more stability in their life, we have a Permanent Jobs Listing. If you're interested in pursuing this, please read all the instructions carefully before applying.

NEW! We now have a separate post for characters who are ready to start up their own businesses! Potential permanent PC employees of these businesses can comment directly to the business’ description in this post, and all hiring/wages/details can be hammered out directly between the players involved.

Replies will be in character. Please wait until all the jobs have been listed before commenting. Start a new thread for any OOC questions. And keep spam to a minimum! (...lol...)

Comments

[manicuredangel]

Aziraphale, Fell's Rare Books

[manicuredangel]

Oh, drat.